MILITARY JOKES
Quick Links
Site Map
Military Jokes
Laugh out loud with these great Military Jokes from service time! If you think you can do better...Share it with everybody!
NATO Commander in the desert. asked a group of troops. "if you found a scorpion in your tent. What would you do?" ARMY said "I would throw a boot at it." Marine said" I would pick it up by the tail/stinger & eat it. Air Force said "I would call Room service & ask why is there a tent in my Room?"
- Richard Jones
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... Only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
- Allie
Military Hospital An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
- Allie
This is a actual true story! I was a young Lieutenant stationed at Camp Pendleton, CA. I lived off base and every day came into the barracks where at one end there was about a 10ft by 15ft area walled off with lockers for Officers and SNCOs to change from civvies to uniforms of the day. There was bench down the center to sit on. One day theRe were several of us in various stages of dressing when a Staff Sgt. let loose with an enormous FART! At that same moment a Gunnery Sgt walks in and looks at the Staff Sgt and, without hesitation, says(and I quote) "DON'T sIT THERE GROWLING aT ME BOY, SPEAK UP" THE LAUGHTER DIDN'T STOP FOR 10 MINUTES!!
- Al Krol
The meaning of MARINES: Marines Are Respected Individuals Needed Everywhere Serving OooooRah!
- Roger D. Stewart
I think that I shall never hear, a lovelier poem than a beer, a beer that Joe's bar has on tap with golden base and foam me cap, the stuff that I can drink all day until it melts my mind away. Poems are made by fools I fear but only Corona can make a beer. (now you can use what ever beer name product you want in place of the corona name). Cheers guys and ladies.
- David
So I was in an airshow a while back, and I noticed that there was a USMC booth. There was three pairs of marines in the booth and two sets of pull up bars. I wanted to go but I realized I was too short. So I just stuck with the Air Force booth...
- Stoopid d00d
As we all know so well. Each of the services has it's own acronym... Funny thing is no body knew of one for the Air Force.... until now... A(ny) I(diot) R(eenlisting) For C(ivilian) E(mployment)
- Bob
Two young Marines were wandering around the LST that was transporting them to a training mission. They stopped at a scuttlebutt (drinking fountain) for a drink. One Private turns to the other Private and said "this water tastes a little funny". The other Private says "yea, I think they use powdered water". My question was, what did they think they were going to mix the powdered water with, powdered air? It never ceased to amaze me the profound statements that would come out of the mouth of a Marine who just graduated Boot Camp.
- Ray McMillan
the devil was lonley he won a ticket to usa he is the way he was real then at last all this life he had got spoiled by toilet papper some one made him go to the bathroom then he stepped out people said is every one okay yes but he uses toilet whats wrong with that shiiiiiiit
- joealfredlopez
Army First Sgt retired after 30 and along with his parrot of 25 years buys a chicken range. The parrot is even more militarized than the 1SG so the 1SG tells him it's time to forget all the BS, no more 0600 bugles, no formations, nothing just takin' it easy. The first day was a long one so it was rack time early. At 0600 sharp Top was awoken by the sounds of terror and mayhem in the chichen house. Thinking a Fox got in he grabs his shotgun and away he goes. Gun at ready he throws open the door and sees a scene of total mayhem. the parrot is yelling and screaming Reveille, Reveille get outa the rack and prepare for inspection. Grabbing the parrot by the neck he says, "I told you we ain't in the Army no more so knock this shit off. Throws the parrot out and goes back to bed. Next morning 0600 hell's breaking loose, again. Throws open the door and sees all the white chickens on one side, bloody, beat up and scare sh--less. The brown chickens on the other side lined up and standin' tall. There's parrot, DI hat at a cocky angle, wings folded behind his back and screaming at the white chickens, "Awright you lunkhead I'm done with this insubordination. When I say fall out in khaki's, I MEAN FALL OUT IN KHAKIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Dave McQuillen
When I joined the A.F., I was so gun ho, I wanted to apply for an "In-flight Missile Mechanic"
- Jose Hernandez, Jr.
You can now be fined $500.00 dollar for calling an officer a "a-hole". Fifty Dollars For calling him an "a-hole" and $450.00 For disclosing classified information.
- W Norris
Next
Last Page
Reconnect & share service-time memories with these great tools:
Reconnect with your old service-time friends from the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines & Coast Guard! Search from over 3,064,780 VetFriends members instantly!
Search for friends from your Unit in the Military Units section (Members who have registered under each Military Unit will be displayed for you to browse). Search over 3,064,780 registered Veterans.
VetFriends.com has the largest online collection of authentic Military Photos established in 2000 by a U.S. Veteran -- Find specific military branch, Unit, base, year, war photos & more. You can submit and share your own as well.
Helpful Information When Searching For Someone:
Unfortunately, not even the U.S. Government keeps track of where all Veterans currently are. Likewise, VetFriends.com requires persons to register in our registry in order to be found and emailed. VetFriends has over 3,064,780 members in our network!
We are completely dedicated to helping you find who you are looking for & we have compiled these resources to help you in your search should you not find who you are looking for. Having this information about who you are looking for would be helpful:
- Branch of military the person served in
- Military Unit names and location where the person served
- Dates the person was in the military, Birthdate, or Service number
- Location where the person was born, entered the military, and left the military
- Did the person serve a few years or retire from the military?
