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| Upon my retirement I went to the Social Security Office to apply. When the girl asked for my social security number I fumbled through my wallet looking for it. Unable to find it I said I would go home to get it. She said that if I did that I would have to reschedule. She then said , "Open your shirt". I said what and she repeated her order. So, I started unbuttoning my shirt, was told to stop, and she then said that she knew I was of age for social security. I asked how she knew that and she said, "Your chest hair is white, not dark or gray, so that's how I know." I thought that her test was pretty neat and when I arrived back home I had to tell my wife about my experiance. Not impressed one bit with my story she replied, " She should have also told you to drop your pants. ( I don't usually wear underwear ) You would have probably received total disabilty." | |
| Larry Donaldson | |
    
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| Before my retirement my wife and I were discussing our ages, etc.etc. Later that night as I was in bed deeply engrossed in a book she was in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. She said to me, " Hon, I'm old, getting fat, starting to have wrinkles, and my hair is turning gray. I really need a compliment right about now". I always tell my wife how beautiful she is to me but tonight I switched tactics. I rolled over and looked in the bathroom door at her and said, "But hon,think of the women your age whose eyesight isn't as good as yours". Needless to say I didn't need the air-conditioner on for about a week. | |
| Larry Donaldson | |
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| While stationed at Fort Benning I was in downtown Columbus traffic. The car in front of me quickly came to a stop as I was staring at a large breasted brunette in shorts that were very, very, short. Yep! I bumped into his car. Now accidents are a serious thing no matter how minor but this soon became humorous. The driver whose car I bumped slowly opened his door, at this point I figured there was going to be a quarrel, and jumped out. To my amazement he was a dwarf. He walks back to my car and as I roll down thw window and look at him he says, "I am not happy"! I couldn't let that one slip by so I replied, "What's your name then? Sleepy, Doc, Sneezy, Bashful, Grumpy or..... | |
| Larry Donaldson | |
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| When he found out I was a veteran, one of my English 101 students thought he would score more points on his narrative paper by relating a military story. He wrote: "I was in a bar, and after a few beers, I went to the head. A sailor was already there. When we finished, I started out, and he said 'In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands after urinating.' I told him, 'In the Marines, they teach us not to piss in our hands." At the bottom of his paper, I wrote, "In the Army, we expect you to know that much before you get to basic." | |
| Larry Donaldson | |
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| My wife is most definitely of the jealous sort. At a unit reunion near my home town a bunch of us slipped away and captured the hotel's bar and lounge. We were sitting at a table when I noticed an old girlfriend at the bar really pounding down her drinks. I kept watching her and my wife turned around to see who I was staring at. She turned back towards me and with fire in her eyes and a booby-trap in her mouth she inquired why I was so interested in the woman at the bar. Caution, on my part, was most needed at this point so I replied, " I used to know her before you and I got married. She was my girlfriend and had plans of marriage and I broke her heart when I left for the Army and broke up with her. I was told that after that she took to the bottle and became a drunk. Pity". With that said, my wife took one last look at her tipping down another glass and slowly turned back towards me and went, "Hurmmph". With cold ice in her eyes now she said," I didn't know that anyone could celebrate that long". Guys, you will never win. | |
| LT NESTOR PEREZ | |
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